


if-then statements and other ways to deal with train trauma

by spiritphones



Category: Infinity Train (Cartoon)
Genre: Autistic Character, Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22179121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiritphones/pseuds/spiritphones
Summary: Tulip thinks in ones and zeroes.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 106





	if-then statements and other ways to deal with train trauma

**Author's Note:**

> something small i wrote back during the first season. warning for mentions of death and hallucinations related to ptsd

Tulip can’t stop looking at her hand.

Her mom doesn’t understand. Well, obviously.

How could she ever know?

...Has her mom seen someone die?

...Does she know Tulip has?

Well.

It just means she- doesn’t understand. Can’t. And never will never ever _ever ever ever_ -

Anyways.

Tulip thinks in ones and zeroes. Positives and negatives. Pros and cons.

One, a pro: It was not a dream, because she doesn’t have a reflection.

Zero, a con: She now has to not let anyone ever see her near a mirror ever again. This is going to be hard, because their house has like a billion mirrors.

She’s still- uncertain, of herself, of the world around her. Still glances at mirrors and stares at her hands. So she organizes. Ones and zeroes. She makes lists, charts. If-then statements pile in her mind when she can’t seem to think straight about the when and where of herself.

Because _if_ she is on her bed, _then_ she is in her room. _If_ she is in her room, _then_ she is in her house. _If_ she is in her house, _then_ she is not on the train. _If_ she is not on the train, _then_ Atticus isn’t a monster. _If_ Atticus isn’t a monster, _then_ it stands to reason that the thing she is seeing at the end of her bed is a hallucination, and she’s safe to go get a drink of water.

And, okay. _Maybe_ nearly dying a lot and then seeing your best-dog-friend die is a _little_ traumatic. It’s no biggie. She has _logic_ on her side, because her home is a world where that logic is absolute and unwavering and doesn’t change from car to car. She could also finally plug in all the programming she’d been manually writing out into her notebook, so if she ever needs to not think, boom. Plug and test.

And that’s _that._ That’s it. Black and white, ones and zeroes, boom- she’s fine.

She’s _fine._

**Author's Note:**

> possibly will write more but no promises. just wanted something in the tag other than pedo freaks
> 
> also it’s not mentioned but tulip is autistic in this once hence the tag. thanks for reading!


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